The Magic Stick

It had gone the way many of our recent Initiative missions had. We were successful in our directives, but did not emerge unscathed. The Kaldorei ship off of the coast of Eversong was now in flames, their supplies destroyed. Most of the sailors were now corpses on the deck full of Farstrider arrows. I had just realized that I had been shot myself at some point, probably even before I boarded the ship. I had pulled the Kaldorei arrow from my chest just below my left collarbone, and the hole left behind was oozing blood onto my tabard.

Unlike other missions, Jhur had accompanied us. He claimed that he was not there to fight along-side us. Actually, he did not really even say why he was coming, either. But by some miracle he had not only boarded the ship first, but managed to escape any injury at all. He did this armed with only a stick he had found on the way there in the forest.

After the smoke cleared and the captain of the invaders located, he came and picked me up. He has done that several times now and he never asks beforehand. It is not that I mind it, but I am not sure anyone else ever has even tried. I assured him I could walk to spare him the backache.

"Alright, well, I'm not interested in testing how much you can bleed while standing. So, let's get you healed." He took me to find Jadoth, who thankfully had caught up to us not long before. He was the only healer we had on duty. Jhur coughed lightly to get Jadoth's attention.  "Pardon me, Sir Nobody, if you've a moment I don't suppose you could sprinkle some of that Light over dear Auburn here before she turns my tabard red with blood?"

Jadoth had been watching the Farstriders torching the ship. He turned, and his ears twitching at the sight of the state I was in. "Sure thing. Keep her still." He proceeded to heal me with quick, clean efficiency. This meant it hurt terribly but was over fast.

"Ah, sorry," I murmured. I had indeed bled all over Jhur’s Argent Dawn tabard, which now was nearly as crimson as his hair.

Jhur smiled down at me as he shook his head.  "Don't worry... you know, if you like I could get stabbed too.  We could have matching wounds.  Might be fun.  What do you think?"

"Don't get yourself stabbed,” Jadoth said. “That'd mean more work for me." He finished healing my wound and leaned against the rope behind him. "She should be good for now. What about you?" he asked, glancing towards Jhur.

Jhur blinked and laughed, shaking his head.  "I'm fine.  I had a magic stick."  Turning he marched me down the ramp and towards the shore.  "Let's get you home, Auburn."

Thankfully the ride back to the city was a short one, which made me all the more grateful that the Kaldorei on that ship did not make it any further inland. As soon as he pulled to a stop, I slid off his raptor and entered the Lodge.

Jhur shook his head as I hopped down.  Sighing, he slapped the raptor's flank and turned to me.  "Auburn, I like that you are a strong, independent woman, but you were hurt.  I wish you'd let me help you down just this once."  He followed me inside the Lodge, and looked up at the bear inside. He set his hands on his hips.  "Honestly, they probably didn't shoot at me because they thought I was insane."

 Or maybe that stick really was magic. Who was to say? I had to laugh, despite the soreness in my chest. "Sorry, force of habit. I am not really used to having someone handy to help me after something like that. And sometimes, insanity is a valid defense, true." I set down my spear, shed half of my mail armor, and sank down onto the thick rug on the floor.

He unfastened his own spiked shoulders and tossed them on the floor near my own armor.  "I'm sorry you were hurt."  Stepping around me he sat down next to my back.  With a soft touch he wrapped an arm around my upper chest from behind, his hand settling where my wound had been.  Closing his eyes, he spoke softly.  "Take it easy a few days, please?"

I understood well the need to touch, and to be touched, after a difficult battle. I let go of caution and leaned against him, feeling the adrenaline finally recede and exhaustion set in. And a good measure of relief, too.  Magic stick be damned. "We all made it home. That always makes for a good night. And believe me; I get hurt all the time. It is getting a little old, really.  I will actually be fine by tomorrow. It was only one arrow. Last time we fought the Forgotten, for instance, I took four.”

"Well...last time I wasn't here to worry about you."

I looked over my shoulder at him. "I am sorry if I worried you. Believe me; I am tougher than I look." I felt touched that he was concerned, but a bit guilty as well.

Jhur smiled as his other hand ruffled his hair.  "As I already said, you are a strong, independent woman.  I don't want to change that... just..." His hand on my upper chest fidgeted a bit as though checking to make sure my wound really was healed.

It was in decent shape. I anticipated a bit of a scar, and there was still a hole in my stained tabard. But the skin underneath had knitted together well. I closed my eyes, the warmth of his hand oddly comforting, both physically and emotionally. "I don't think you intend to change it. I am just not sure if I know how to, myself. But I appreciate you being here."

“I would not be anywhere else.”

“I would prefer you not be elsewhere either, to be honest. But I know how much you value your freedom. You still have it, arrow or not.” I smiled warmly at him. "You were a big help to us, tonight." I was not entirely sure what he had actually done, but I had a feeling it would not have gone as smoothly without him. I also was positive no one else would have carried me to the healer, so I was grateful for that, too.

"Aellynne... my freedom means I can choose to be where I want.  And right now, this is the only place I want to be.  If I really had my choice I'd not leave your side tonight."

And so, I did the obvious thing. I invited him to stay in the Barracks for the night. In my own rooms, even. The couch was fairly comfortable.

But comfortable was the last thing Jhur seemed to be when I mentioned it. He closed his eyes as he seemed to debate with himself and then sighed.  "I say this with no intent to push you at all, Auburn... but... I don't think I should.  Not until I think you could... care for me.  It just wouldn't feel right."

"I think I know what you mean. I don't mean to put you in an awkward situation." It had not occurred to me at all that he would see it that way.

He turned his chin to gently kiss the back of my head before whispering softly to me.  "If you like... I can sit until you fall asleep, but... I will not stay.  I'll let myself out."

"It is not really necessary, but I would actually like that a lot. Some nights, after I have been in battle, my dreams are painful. You know what I mean? And so falling asleep can be hard."

Jhur paused for a long moment.  "Then, I will make sure you fall asleep before I leave, but I won't stay.  And... it's not an awkward position.  I just... well..."  Shaking his head, he tried to smile at me, though it was not a very compelling effort.  "I am patient, and I understand.  But I also know that when you are here with me... you're not really here... with me."

I was not quite sure what he meant. But it obviously was distressing him. I rested a hand on his shoulder, peering up at him. "Not here with you? Who do you think I am pondering, as I sit here next to you?"

"It is... hard to explain..."  Lowering his eyes and his chin he sat for a moment and sighed.  "I think I see it because I have done it before too.  When we are alone together you are here... but, you hold me so far at bay too that you're not really here.  And that is okay... but, it would be wrong to pretend like it isn't there."

"Ah, the wall. You feel it too?” I was starting to understand. “I have struggled to tear it down most of my life, with little success. Not many people can feel it so quickly, though. And most people have one of their own, of varying heights."

He lifted a hand to sweep through his hair, pulling crimson locks from eyes that were still downcast.  "No, I feel it... it seems like so often when I touch you... you linger between embracing the touch and fighting against it."  Smiling softly almost in relief he looked up again.  "I count it a small win that recently you've not fought against my touch as much... but... I have to consider it a responsibility too which is... difficult at times."

I could not seem to look away from his gaze. My hand seemed to come up involuntarily, my palm resting on his cheek, my thumb lightly tracing the elegant curve of bone beneath it. "I do not mean to cause you stress. You have a lot of passion within you. And a need to express it.”

"No... not exactly... “He lifted a hand and gently placed it over mine.  "My wall is... my charm.  My touch.  There's a very thick layer of attention I offer as a way to guard myself..." He closed his eyes as he sighs a bit.  "My passion is more subtle and... not easily shared... even with you how I've held you lately is... different."

"I never thought of that before, but it makes sense. I have seen how you speak to the other women around here. You are so quick to compliment, and to tease them. I can understand how that is a defense too, in a way.”

He nodded slowly as he smiled a bit.  "It was... at first... the same with you too, Auburn."

And it was then that I knew that it was not just my imagination. That it was more than wishful thinking on my part, that he might be interested in me. But I had no idea what to do about it. I leaned into his embrace, tightened my own arms around him. I told him what I had told Arkanae, what I had told Julian. What I should have told Calethar. That I was not ready, or competent, to be close to anyone that way. That he deserved better than waiting for me. "I don't want you to have to be patient, or put off your own life while I get mine in order. Just know that I will be your friend.  No matter what happens.”

Jhur shook his head gently as he held me.  "No, sorry... I'm not ready to give up yet."

I smiled, grateful that he could not see the relief on my face. "I am in no hurry to chase you off, though I seem to have a talent for doing that." In my experience, someone would come along who would be perfect for him before long, and I mentally prepared myself for that possibility. Even as I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy his warm embrace just a bit longer.