ellyflowers's blog

It's still the same. All of the time that has passed and these Hills are still the same. Risska snores away across from the campfire from me. It's been a rough day of travel. Lightning tore a shoe off in his excitement to race around the forests. I had to pay an exuberant amount of gold to have him re-shoed. Damned goblins. They are always quick to make a coin. At least a hand on my mace ensured that the job was done right.

I spend so much time going over what happened. In what way was I wrong? In what way could this possibly be resolved? It is too telling that Jay does not quite understand what he was asking me to do. I will have to chock it up to inexperience and youth. My anger in this is understandable, but Light knows when I'll ever get a chance to talk to him. He's shut himself off again. Despite my bitter mutterings, I feel like I've done more harm to him that I initially realized.

I feel like I'm taking a leap into the unknown depths of the stratosphere. I've given Kor leave to court me. Actually, we've already shared a bed. I want to say that the words I've spoken are true. That I'm tired of waiting, that I need to take what I want and all of that hopeful rubbish. The truth is...I don't know what I want anyone. With Kor, I can be openly affectionate. I can blush. I can giggle. He makes me feel wanted.

So I think I've mentioned Kor before in a previous entry. I know I did. Well, he is a new friend of mine and something of a moodkiller between Ri and I. I still laugh at that. Anyways, I'll introduce him to you, Journal. I met Kor'ethar one evening a few weeks ago as I was taking Anduith out for a much-needed run. The fox led me close to the Retreat and a small waterfall. It was idyllic up until the point he started splashing in the water and mud. Kor was sitting and apparently watching the whole time.

Ari sighed softly as she lugged herself into Bloodsinger Manor for the last time as a resident. She had been ganged up on by her menagerie of animals (thankfully the ones who could legally be kept in a house). Ri had only watched with tired amusement as she was railroaded to her room. They could sense something was different, change was coming.

Why the fuck did I invite Ri to live with me? Do I like torturing myself? I mean…he pisses me the fuck off. I don’t like Kor as a potential..lover..though if my heart continues to be tortured, I may give him half a chance but I …I… I love that Light-damned rogue and he doesn’t see it and I can’t tell him.  I can’t tell him I quit the Farstriders either. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. Playing house with him? Enduring all the whores he has over..plus his ex? The fuck…*The rest of the paper is torn to bits*

It’s been far too long since I’ve written in here, written home. I don’t even know if there is a home to go to anymore. I haven’t moved out of the Manor. I’ve not even been in the City long enough to find a new place to live. I guess I’ve made enough of a fool of myself out here on the Front to want to go back. I’ve put in for some time off. Maybe I will be able to make a decision once I’ve relaxed and returned to a normal civilian life.

My superiors have told me that my time in Northrend will draw to a close soon. I will be stationed in Hyjal in the oncoming months to deal with the remnants of the Fire Lord’s minions and to help with the regrowth and protection of Nordrassil.

Just when I thought I couldn’t make things any worse than they already are, I fucked up big time with Pamina. Instead of being happy for seeing her again, instead of making her feel more at home in her own home, I went and compared her sacrifices to my deal with Arinil. Fucking…guh! She didn’t hit me, which I know now I deserved. I tried to follow and apologize but she lost me.

I went to Thunderbluff to try and clear my head about my current situation and who happens to show up? He has a disturbing way of tracking me down. Anyways, Arinil found me in my second favorite spot. He plied me with the usual questions of how I”d been. He jumped right to the gun though and asked me what my decision would be. I felt put on the spot and sputtered, trying to think of an answer to stall him for a bit longer. He ah…took matters into his own hands to try and convince me. I am not used to this man being forward and yet he backed me against the wall and planted a kiss on me.